now that he's gone...

Now that he's gone I can't imagine how i didnt cherish, didnt appreciate every moment that i had with him. during those times i never thought about how we'd both grow up, and yes i admit, how bad i had it in for him, i was in love before i realized it. But now he's gone, and I cannot reach and try to straighten curly hairs from his head, I cannot roll over in bed in the morning and see him staring up at the ceiling smiling, I can't make breakfast for him, or be in company with his friends. I often call his cell phone just to hear his voice again, but when i'm done leaving a message, which in my mind i pretend actually goes to him - wherever he is, the sadness and loneliness creeps in, and i am once again left in utter and complete darkness and despair, wondering why it went wrong, why he left, and why i was forced to wander this ugly hateful world, alone.